|Original Airdate||January 6, 1995|
|Written by||Susan Estelle Jansen|
|Directed by||David Trainer|
|Guest starring||Danny McNulty as Harley Keiner, Ethan Suplee as Frankie Stecchino, Mathea Webb as Gloria, Blake Soper as Joey "The Rat" Epstein|
The episode begins in Mr. Turner's class, where the class is discussing a play named Cyrano de Bergerac, in which the main character, Cyrano, gives up the person he loves and helps his friend, whom she loves. Topanga and the rest of the girls in the class are, of course, enamored by Cyrano, thinking him romantic and noble, while the boys think he is a loser for giving her up. Mr. Turner notes the obvious distinction in opinion before the class dismisses.
Meanwhile, Alan fails when he gets Amy a trash compactor for his anniversary. He is, at first, shocked and confused, because he thought Amy wanted it. He then gets advice from Feeny, who tells him that he should have thought about what she really wanted, gotten her something that would have meant something to her
The next day, the scene turns to Harley and his girlfriend, Gloria. She is disgusted by the fact that he doesn't seem to appreciate her, while Harley seems oblivious that he did anything wrong. The fight continues until Cory and Shawn come through the hallway, and after a loud remark about the grease in Harley's hair, they find themselves staring into the face of their nemesis. They try to talk their way out of getting pounded, but Harley seems adamant on hurting them both. They do talk their way out of getting pounded by Harley himself, but they get dragged into the cafeteria by Frankie, who has been instructed to kill them both. However, Frankie is in love, and he tells Cory and Shawn about his predicament. After some "gentle persuasion", they agree to help him to woo the girl he loves.
They head to Cory's house, where they are greeted by Eric, who refers to Frankie as "The Enforcer". They teach him some lines, but Frankie is still unsure of himself, so he brings Cory and Shawn with him and puts them in his locker. Shawn begins to tell him what to say, and he immediately messes up the first saying. Cory's face turns to one of terror as Shawn continues to tell him things to say, because he recognizes the voice as none other than Gloria. Frankie gains the words to say on his own, and Gloria, impressed and enamored by Frankie's show of affection, goes with him to Chubbie's for a date. They come out of the locker and are both horrified to see the two of them walking away. They cannot hold their cool, and they are dragged by Harley to Chubbie's.
Harley is furious to see the scene, and he clears the room of everyone except the 5 of them. He confronts Gloria, who tells him that all she wanted was to be appreciated, and that Frankie appreciated her in a way Harley never did. Harley was still frustrated and confused, telling her that he bought her tires. It all looks like it will go down with Cory and Shawn getting annihilated and Frankie being abandoned until Cory steps in. He tells Harley that Amy and Alan were going through a fight as well, but they always make up because they love each other. Harley, intrigued, goes to Amy to seek advice on how to reunite with his girlfriend.
Amy is at first shocked to see him, but eventually, she got past it and sat him down to give him advice. His pride shows through at first, but eventually, he realizes that he must let Gloria do what she wants to prove that he loves her. And thus, Harley, after being ridiculed by Eric for having tea with Amy, becomes a metaphorical Cyrano by letting Gloria go out with Frankie because he loved her and he liked his friend. Alan enters, making up for his mistake by getting Amy a pearl necklace. Harley then leaves, telling a shocked Cory that death takes a holiday.
In the end credits, Cory talks to Mr. Turner in the cafeteria, telling him that he became Cyrano by helping Frankie get a date. Mr. Turner praises him for having wisdom and maturity beyond his years, but in an ironic twist, Shawn comes in and tells him that the girls' volleyball team was running laps. They both run off excitedly, leaving Mr. Turner with a weird face, presumably retracting his previous statement..